here / i am not his image / & i envy it / i shut my eyes against what is left / the crackling softness of life / like communion / desire is a marathon / a baton waiting for your grip / here / i am not running / neither is he / i sit with a man for the first time / & we talk about war / the government / the shitty country / old times / & every evening / i look out for that man / i imagine a son and a father bonding over dinner / but what is left of life / if not language / memories as pretty as garlands around the head / i remember his face in a photograph / his arms open / with me blooming like a flower inside / it is the only time i remember it open / in another race / i am handing a baton to god / & his own hands are closed / beautiful boy / with garlands around his waist / sitting by the fire / back home / only wants to be seen / like the fireflies around him / i reach for this softness / & begin to break it like communion / i am making new mouths / all over my body / & i still fail at one thing / to be held close like a wound onto a light bulb / & called kin